


Jokis Stealus

by DrakkenWasHere



Category: Looney Tunes
Genre: Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-30
Updated: 2010-08-30
Packaged: 2017-10-11 08:32:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/110428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrakkenWasHere/pseuds/DrakkenWasHere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>-Wile E Coyote and Road Runner- "But, unbeknownst to the fowl, an enemy was waiting for the perfect moment."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jokis Stealus

**Author's Note:**

> Jokis Stealus

Jokis Stealus

By: DrakkenWasHere

Disclaimer: I obviously don't own anything from Looney Tunes. Heck, I don't even own that Duck Amuck game for the DS...though I want it. (But first I would need a DS...so kinda pointless, eh?) I do partially own the female in this story. Only partially, since her soul was sold to a horse with no name. If you like, leave a comment. If you hate, leave a comment. If life is like a box of chocolates, leave a comment.

~0~0~0~

"Um...are you sure that's a good idea?'

The sky was a lovely shade of yellow, and the weather was an unpleasant dry. It was a desert all around, random cacti and surreal mountain structures everywhere. The oddest part about the location, was the empty road. A simple path that went anywhere but there.

But our heroes stood upon a large scarlet boulder, trying to complete their latest plot. The female, from the species _fanfictious writerus_, was standing next to her companion. She looked worriedly at her coyote chum, wondering if his plan was even safe.

"Seriously, when has an anvil ever helped you?"

The _nemesis canis ingenius_ held up a sign.

She scoffed, "Sure it has worked for Bugs Bunny; but, last time I checked, you don't have a cotton tail."

Wile E. merely shrugged his shoulders, and continued to put together his giant sling-shot.

~0~0~0~

Ah, the highway, it's such a long stretch of freedom. One could run freely, feeling their feathers move in the wind. Well...that is, if you were a _velocitus birdius tastyus_.

The road runner was rushing down the lane, not having a care in the world. Just running...and running...and running...Does it even DO anything else?

"Meep. Meep!"

Ah, yes, it makes random noises.

But, unbeknownst to the fowl, an enemy was waiting for the perfect moment. The one opportunity to release the elastic band, and cause his weapon to smash his prey. Doesn't pancake runner sound delicious?

The coyote's assistant was watching the bird through a spyglass.

"Okay," the red head began, "...any second. Aaaaaaand...NOW!"

The canine released the anvil.

For a moment, nothing happened. But when the coyote looked down to see the large piece of lead on the ground, his body was projected forward. He screamed, and he even zoomed over the road runner's head. He kept going, flying past many desert foliage. By this rate, it seemed that he would be gliding through the air forever.

SPLAT!

He flew into a wall.

Chortling was heard to his right. Peeling himself from the solid, the coyote glared at his companion.

"I'm sorry; but, I did say it wouldn't work."

The _poor schnookius_ held up a sign.

"HEY! No need for such language!"

~0~0~0~

Wile E Coyote was searching through his Acme Catalog, a mischievous grin upon his face. The mutt silently laughed, as he planned his next scheme. Nothing could ruin his happy mood.

"I've been thinking..."

That is, except for the human.

"Yeah, you're doing all this because you're hungry; and Acme's delivery service sends things in seconds...So why don't you just order a pizza?"

The _evereadii eatibus_, shook his head in shame. She just didn't get it. In fact...he was starting to wonder WHY he decided to hire her. A sign appeared from nowhere.

"'It's not challenging'? Dude, it's better than being a walking skeleton!"

Smiling a pity beam, the brown furred creature put his order in the mailbox. He'll show that girl, he'll show her his brilliance!

~0~0~0~

"This is your great idea? A water gun?" Lemel smirked, mocking her role model. "That's terrible, even for you."

_Acmeius screwedhimus _glared. How dare she use that tone! Trying to look like her comment didn't phase him, the coyote pulled a bottle out from the box. He, with some added flare from his wrists, showed the container to the assistant.

"'Liquid Nitroglycerin'?"

She obviously didn't understand. So Wile E, being a critter who loved showing his genius, pointed to his chalkboard. There was his stratagem.

"So...you're going to shoot liquid nitroglycerin at him?"

Yes! She finally got it! Now she must have seen how ingenius his plan was, right?

"That's stupid!"

He glared again, and turned his attention back to his scheme. Hmph, he'll show HER what's stupid...

~0~0~0~

The _canis latrans_ was waiting behind a cactus, his eyes darting left and right. He was waiting for his prey, water pistol ready. Correction: Nitroglycerin Pistol. The mutt was also glad to see his protege was nowhere to be seen.

The coyote's senses were all tuned in. He was ready, he was prepared, he was...another word that showed just how awesome he was at that moment. Nothing, and he meant nothing, was going to sneak up on him.

"Meep, meep!"

The road runner's call startled the canine, he wasn't expecting it to come from right behind him. The shock literally propelled Wile E into the air. Unfortunately, so did was the gun. But come on, what are the chances of them colliding together?

BOOM!

Apparently very high...

~0~0~0~

The sapphire orbed assistant was bending over her companion. She was finishing cleaning up her mentor's wounds. Meanwhile, that said creature was scowling at the girl.

"Oh come on! I told you it was stupid. Hey, don't give me that look!"

Coyote whipped out a sign.

"You know what...I can do something better than this! Hand over that catalog."

~0~0~0~

Lemel Takk looked smug at her device. She had ordered an "Acme Freeze-Ray", and she was darn proud of it.

"Yes, siree, this is sure to work! Finally, an product that actually works the way it says it does. For a company that makes everything, they aren't that good at it." The red head paused, "Oh! I just realized that it's a backronym: 'A Company that Makes Everything'!"

The _hungrii flea-bagius _walked up behind her. He wasn't very pleased.

"Ah ha! There you are: the star of this plan. By the way, you are working that female road runner outfit."

The coyote's scowl only increased. He held up another sign.

"What? PUH-lease. I bet you could seduce that fowl easily. In fact, I once read this story where he and you were having-"

Another sign.

"Oh...right. This fanfic is rated K."

~0~0~0~

Here came he, here came that bird! He's a demon on legs...You know what, that was a poor Speed Racer reference. But putting DrakkenWasHere's terrible writing skills aside, the road runner was swiftly strutting down the highway. That was the life, just following where ever the road took him.

"Meep!"

The fowl stopped after hearing that call. Could it be? Could there actually be another _birdibus zippibus_ around?

"Meep, Meep!"

Yes! There was another road runner! So, always looking for companionship, the critter dashed towards the sound.

And there he saw it...the most beautiful fowl he had ever seen. The road runner began to parade in front of his potential mate, with his head high and his tail (and wings) dropped. Seeing as this didn't cause anything (but a cringe) from the beauty, he had another idea. He then started to bow, alternatively lifting and dropping his wings and spreading his feathers. Oh yeah, he was such a ladies man!

While the coyote was distracting the bird, Lemel was busy aiming her freeze-ray. She had the perfect shot. Once she fired, her mentor could grab the critter. He would have his dinner, and she would have a recommendation to work for Daffy Duck. It was a win/win.

From the top of her cliff, the red head pushed the button. The ray left the contraption. She cheered with glee!

…

That is, until it hit Wile E. He was frozen on the spot. His protege tried to hit the button again, before the road runner got away.

But how was she suppose to know that the ledge would break from the weight of the device? In fact, she didn't even notice the ground was missing underneath her, until the freeze-ray fell.

"Oh...Fudge."

She plummeted.

Down, down, down she went. When she got close to the weapon, she clutched onto it. But her weight caused the device to turn. It was now on top of her!

"No wait...I think the joke of 'Acme' was suppose to be ironic."

CRASH!

~0~0~0~

"That's it! That's the last straw!"

The girl was covered in bruises and bandages, whining as she marched up to her boss. He had just got done thawing out, and was removing his suit.

The tall girl continued to complain, "I don't know how you put up with it!"

He took out a sign.

"'Hungry', my foot! I'm tired of cartoon physics! Come on, I'm buying us dinner at the closest Olive Garden." With that being said, she grabbed his paw (and began singing Weird Al's "Eat it").

~0~0~0~

"I'm a great admire of cartoons, because I can't do cartoons."

~Bruce McCall

~0~0~0~

AN: Man...I ended up having to write this twice. The computer ended up shutting down while I was writing. It was hilarious the first time I wrote this. But I think it lost most of it's charm when I had to re-think everything. Yeah, that's right, I gonna put my thoughts on paper first, for now on.

Meh...I think I need to work on comedic timing. But then again, this would have all seemed funnier if drawn. Which I may do later, since I'm actually a cartoonist (rather than a writer).

So who is the human character. Well...it's me. I figured every fanfiction writer is allowed at least one chance at inserting themselves in a story...too bad I blew it. XD

I regret nothing!


End file.
